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Insights from the Summer 2014 Intensive: Freeing a Hindrance / Cultivating an Awakened Mind

10 Sep 2014 3:37 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)

We are very grateful for this deep sharing by FCM member Tammy Klein, based on her recent experience in FCM's Summer Intensive.


When I'm restless, I'm not accepting things as they are. I'm not letting life unfold - I want to control life! I realize the hilarity and futility in that. Life is going to do what it's going to do.  I need to notice when the restlessness (or other hindrance) happens, investigate what's happening and let go. Breathing deeply in the moment and "breathing into" the restlessness helps tremendously.  It passes! Everything passes like clouds so I don't have to be afraid of that drowning feeling I get.


I should just welcome these hindrances because they're pointers - "Oh, I guess I need to let go and let this pass through me." "Oh, there I go again getting uptight because the plan changed." Now I can begin to identify restlessness and aversion as it's happening and understand why it's happening, and more often before I inflict suffering on others (and myself).  I am increasingly able to stop.


There's no security in hanging on tightly to life and trying to make it run my way. 


I can notice my thoughts and feelings and how they can trigger a hindrance.  But there's no substance to them - they're just like puffy clouds in the sky. I can notice them, and let them pass through without making a story, justification, rationalization, etc,


My "drowning" feelings of restlessness are the same in feeling as aversion. They're overwhelming.  (First I get restless and then I get mad when things don't go my way according to my plan!). They both feel the same in my body, and I can feel my body for clues when I start to cling or tighten up in the chest and gut.


There are no problems!


I can always go back to my breathing as an entry to being.  I need to practice deep breathing and build my muscles since I tend to breathe shallowly.


Being is all around me, and I can just watch it.  And I can tune into that "hum" in the background of life. There is ease all around me.


It's ok to do one thing at a time - like brush my teeth - and do things slowly.


I want to spend more of my time cultivating my good seeds rather than my issues. It seems for me like a process of "noticing, now let it go or pass through, notice, pass through..."


If I have trouble sitting, I can switch up my walking meditation and do that first. But I notice I haven't had that issue of late. I think it's because I noticed, felt it and let it go.


As much as I "honor" my hindrances by working with them and focusing on them, I can also "honor" my good qualities such as my investigative abilities and my ability to be honest with myself and face things as they are.


While I'm not ready for the monastery, I'm clearly on a spiritual path leading to some place great. I'm happy about that!


Tammy Klein


Comments

  • 15 Sep 2014 10:23 PM | Anonymous
    Thanks for sharing your experience, Tammy.
    Link  •  Reply
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